How to Release Resentment When You Can't Forgive

Sometimes, the anger feels like it will always be there. A part that demands our loyalty.

The part that wants the apology, or a change of heart. The part that wishes we could go back and change what we said, or did. The part that wants what we’re owed.

So we continue to place our forgiveness outside of ourselves. As if it were outside our control. If we cannot make these things happen, we cannot forgive.

We think the anger keeps us loyal to ourselves, but what it does is keep us loyal to our suffering.

When we choose not to forgive someone, we are chained to them. When we choose not to forgive ourselves, we are chained to our past.

The chain is the argument that things need to be different. Forgiveness is the key that undoes the lock.

Forgiveness doesn’t say what happened was okay. It just says you will no longer argue with what is.

And what is won’t always match what we want. In fact, most of the time, it probably doesn’t.

Sometimes, there’s something we could have done. Sometimes, there really isn’t. And all that’s left to do is be gentle with the heartbreak of expectation once again.

All life does is move, and ask us to move with it. We’re born knowing how to, but we’re taught resistance. Force, masked as strength. But all resistance does is cause more anxiety, more pain.

Some days, it will feel impossible to forgive. Some days, less so. Either way, allow yourself space.

In this space we give ourselves, we start to feel what it would be like to not be so crowded. Crowded with the thoughts that burden, with the stories that could fill an entire room with sharp objects and dark corners.

The space you create gets to look different. As spacious and sparse as you like. Or filled with all the things that have meaning, things that give you life.

Because once you stop arguing with what is, you get to create what is.

Forgiveness was never about them. It’s you, deciding to no longer stay in a place that’s punishing, inside or out.

With love,
Vera

The nervous system doesn’t learn by thinking - it learns by practicing. If you’re exhausted from the constant pressure of holding yourself together, I’m here to support you. Book your consultation here.